Mum: *knocking on door* You know, you're still going to need to go to school even though you're only half and hour late. You can't stay in there for another 7 hours you know.

Me: SHUT UP, SEE! I'M TAKING CONTROL OF MY GOD DARN SCHEDULE, SEE. FROM NOW ONWARD THERE'S NO CLASSES EXCEPT ON THE DAYS THAT I SAY SO, SEE! ALL YOU BOYS BETTER BACK OFF BEFORE I CUT MY WRIST LIKE THE EMO I AM, SEE?!

*Ends flashback*

Ah, come on right in. I was just having a flashback of my angsty filled days of Primary School. Now, who here DOESN'T hate Primary school? We all did, it was a time of big-ass kids who had the IQ of a cryogenetically frozen caveman taking your lunch money and giving you wedgies.

I said it once and I'll say it AGAIN. No one and I mean NO ONE has good memories of Primary School, I didn't, that's for sure. WHO in the right mind has good memories of Primary School? You were always treated like 2nd hand pupils and such.

And there's the PSLE. PSLE-makers are assholes, they delibrately set up the required aggregates and subjects just to f**k around with out little immature minds and shit. Wanna know why I repeated P6 twice? Look no further then the goverment and the PSLE-makers, boys and girls.

I swear, this year after I visited Siglap on Teacher's Day I'm going back to Elias Park primary and go all Rambo on their asses. Who's up for it, eh? *glances around audience*

No one???

Ah, ya buncha wet willies

Anyway, that's all the time I have for this particular post. I'll be posting up more sooner then you think, keep an open eye out though. Night fellow Mercs!

-Luis-

I knew there's something about that new hand soap in the bathroom. The ingredients in it SMELLED like on of my meds from the doctor a couple years back. Hmmm...

*Glances up from book*

Ah! Bonjour, didn't hear you come in.


So I just heard that Siglap's having their usual study sessions this time of the year. Seeing as how the 'O's are nearby and almost every single student's busting their chops over something like some DNT wood structutre or something, maybe those guys wanna be lumberjacks when they grow up or something.

'Uh... Hey Bob, check out ma new tree trunk. I'm calling it Betty!'

'You dumbass, that's the giant wooden crane replica the kids built!'

And there goes the next generation. Lumberjacks of the future for those poor souls who took DNT. God bless em' all.

...

Nah, I'm kidding.

But yeah, I never really liked DNT back then and I despise it EVEN more now. Wanna know why? You SHOULD by now. If you ain't got no idea why I hate it, you've freshly fucked it up with me.

Anyway, I was spending some quality time with the 360 yesterday or so and I was on a roll, slicing up people here and there. Man, Epic Bad-Assness at work... Until my demon sister started up her damn game called 'Audition'

Now, I REALLY in a million f***in' years have no IDEA why that damn game is so appealing to certain types of people. For those of you guys who don't know what the game's about, it's basically this stupid 3-D game with Japanese girls street-dancing and doing some of the most unbelieveable moves such as spinning around on the ground on your freakin HEAD.

Jesus, can these games get any more stupid?! I lost my fuckin' concentration on my game when that shitload of fuck starts playing it's stupid Techno songs. Punk-ass Michael Jackson wannabes dancing around on screen with secondhand game clothing, will someone out there find the creator of the game and disect him? SLOWLY.

Then I was getting used to the beat in the background and all. You know, I sat back on my chair and eased my mind while watching those poor saps on my screen get sliced when THIS happens:

Sis: *whiny voice* Aaron... Entertain me. I see you in school also never talk.

...

WHO THE FUCK IS AARON?!

Now, see, we've all got siblings, some of us do anyway. Yeah, so when we have younger siblings we look out for them and teach em' some stuff as they go on about our lives, right? Apparently this method failed and my sis, juding from what I've heard, likes this Aaron guy who just so happens to be in Siglap.

I smell blackmail..

Oh my God, i've got so much to say bout this. But I'm not gonna go on and on bout it for now, maybe tomorrow.

Tally-Ho, fellow Mercs!

-Luis-

Good God, you're so freakin' hard to please, you know that?

I'm out there everyday, at class trying to make you proud of me. I'm doing the best I can, and the sad thing is you can't even tell I'm trying.

Perhaps... It is cause you spent more time at work then at home? You put food on the table for us all the time but maybe you need to sit back and see what we're all really doing. You say I'm wasting my time, goddamn it, why don't you come on over and see how hard I'm doing what I'm doing?

I'm actually typing this out as to not vent out my anger to much. Why do you think I avoid rows with you? It's cause I know for one, I can't win, you'll always have your goddamned freakin' way.

It hurts me more then it hurts you, you know that?

You're my idol, inspiration and pillar of support. But most importantly... You're my DAD, man....

Fuck it, I'm sorry

So this is something I haven't talked about in a while. I USED to talk about it a lot last year, but don't, cause it's unhealthy, it seriously is.

This kinda came to mind just this morning when I was eating breakfast and a certain TV show caught my eye and I was reminded of a little conversation I had with Amirnur a week before the June holidays. We were on the way back home in the bus, Friday morning, sunny day and comfortable seats in the bus. EPIC.

He was telling me bout why he just wants to stay single for the time being and all. And I felt that I could relate to him in a LOT of ways, I didn't tell him that of course, it slipped my mind when he was talking so I'mma tell it right here.

So let's talk bitchy/prima donna/ type of girlfriends. Their the kind that, like everyone knows, wants to get their way all the time. You go to the mall, you'll see some guy heaving along with him a shit-load of shopping bags and a few feet in front of him, flaunting her new dress is his girlfriend, how sad is that?

There's also another thing, the way they'll get all whiny and mad when you have to end a call early and shit even though you've been on the phone for two FREAKIN' hours. So you'll say something like 'But I'm tired, my body's weary.' then she'll say somethin' like, 'I'mma get myself a better and more attentive person then you.'

Well, go get the young motherfucker, I don't care. Poor fool's turn now to put his phone to his ear every night to hear the sound of sharp nails screeching on a damn blackboard!

It don't take all night to talk bout how's your day, whatcha doing tomorrow, when do you wanna meet up etc. What the fuck you wanna to talk till 3:30am in the fuckin' morning with that kinda shit, what the FUCK am I tryin' to prove here?!!

It don't take all night to talk bout a certain topic, ok for most girls yeah, I understand, I'm talking bout CERTAIN girls here. 30 minutes!!! I'll give ya 30 mins to talk bout a certain topic that's bothering ya! That's a heavyweight 3 round bout, and people get knocked out in the first goddamned round.

You layin' the smackdown on me over the phone screaming stuff like:

Spoilt/Bitchy/Impatient girl: You know what, I can't believe you. This is like, the third you wanted to hang up early! Don't you even care about me anymore?! There's someone else isn't there?! You're hanging out with that stupid shy girl from--

Me: STOP ALL THAT HOLLERING AND PUT DOWN THE DAMN PHONE SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP!!!
Fuckin' loud mouthed once you get it started then it goes something like this:

Spoilt/Bitchy/Impatient: YOU ARE!!! OH, IT'S SO OVER BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YOU HEAR ME, YOU --

Me: BITCH, I SAID BUST A NUT!!! *HANGS UP*

Sheesh... All that damned girl-dominates-guy phone calls, I'm sick of it. Like:

Spoilt/Impatient/Bitchy: So, whatcha gonna buy for me next time? Where we gonna go, what are you gonna be doing?

Me: Bust you motherfuckin' head, that's what the fuck I'll do!



Or maybe something like this:

Spoilt/Impatient/Bitchy: Oh, surprise me on Wednesday will you? Those roses are dead and I'll be needing more flowers for my new procelain vase, you see...

Me: FOR WHAT, YA NASTY *INSERTS DEMEANING WORD HERE*

Spoilt/Impatient/Bitchy: Oh. so you WON'T do it? I thought we were suppose to shower each other with gifts, roses and soft cuddly toys everytime we meet up--

Me: I'LL BUY YOU THOSE STUFF WHEN I WANNA GODDAMNED FEEL LIKE IT!!!

Jesus, how much more demanding do you wanna get? And when they start pretending to cry and all that shit, just let them go on cause they got to LEARN, they got to learn, the fuck they'll learn...

Then here's another thing, it's something quite personal? On a certain level I guess, now we're all grown here, we've all have some younger siblings that we kinda hate but still love no matter what. But when it comes to that particular period of time when your sis gets a boyfriend, the family's gonna gather round the dinner table and the relatives anre gonna start shaking the heads and saying 'My sister ain't doing a goddamned thing bout her kid, look at her talk to him like that. Oh my, my, my.'

That's why I'mma be my sister's future boyfriend's babysitter. No, I ain't lying! It's TRUE! I'mma prove to everyone I'm a good brother and trustworthy enough to the boyfriend.

I will fuck that guy up.

My sister's don't need to get all suspicious, like what's in it for her or anything. I'm doing this job for free. She don't need no hidden videos lying around the place just to see what's goings on. Cause when he comes right out the room and to where she is, he's gonna look her in the eye and tell her what the fuck's going on.

When he walks out and he's got a cut right on his forehead and blood's spilling down like cherry soda and she screams at me, 'What the fuck happened to my boyfriend???!!!' I'mma tell ya, sis, I took a hammer and slapped THE FUCK OUTTA HIM!!!

Jumpin' on my bed, using my MSN to contact his shit-bags of Ah Bengs and Indian gigolos, showing me his piercings and fucking homo-ass tattos. SIT YO PUNK ASS DOWN.

This is me, Luis Lim, the Merc with a mouth. Night fellow Mercs, eyes wide open with tweezers for the next post up!

-Luis-

Ok, is the window secured? God-awful sons of bitches can be flying around in the rain...

If you guys haven't noticed, it's been raining quite a few times this couple of weeks and when it rains it pours, like we all know. But here's something else, when it rains... It brings in unwanted DISGUSTING visitors.

I'm talking about those bugs, you know the ones who ALWAYs for some reason fly into people's houses. I'm not talking bout those small ones but those big-ass ones with giant wings and big black fuckin' bodies!

Now I'm sure most of you guys have encountered them before. They look like giant wasps but aren't really wasps, there's a name for them I just don't know what it is. But fuck it, they can be called Bees II, Waspinator, W.A.S.P or Bumble-fuckin-wasp for all I care, these guys DO NOT come into my house and scare the shit outta anyone.

And when you do see them, you kinda get into a shocked state and all, so all you could do is scream your freakin' lungs out or turn away and run. I mean, what I'm trying to say is--OH GOD!!!

*Takes out fly swatter in defense*

Oh... Nothing... Oh my God, I need to calm down. Don't think too much bout it, yeah...

So anyway, just this other night last week, I just finished dinner and like any other guy I went to the bathroom to wash up and waddya know? A fuckin' big bug's on the freakin' rug sitting there, thinking my bathroom is a SHELTHER FROM THE RAIN!

Needless to say, the little fu**nut caught me with my pants down. I AM NOT KIDDING. I MEAN IT LITERALLY, HE CAUGHT ME WITH MY PANTS DOWN.

So I ran out to get the swatter and when I got back, the little shit-ball is scrambling to hide behind the damn sink.

Get back here, you little f***ing piece of dog-turd. *whacks mindlessly*

Ok, so I missed and he ended up flying back out into the rain. But HE left and I'm still in the bathroom, LUIS WINS. Gross-out FAIL.

I mean for some reason, those freakin assed bugs keep flying into our houses every single time it rains! It's freakin' annoying, and you know what's worse? IM the one who has to catch them most of the damn time!

Sis: Kuya (Big bro in Tagalog) there's a bee in my room!

Me: WHAT?! Again?! you want me to stop my fucking game to catch some fuckin' bee?!! Holy mother of fuck, you wanna know how those bees get in? CAUSE YOU LEFT THE FUCKIN' WINDOW WIDE OPEN!

And after a bit of arguing, I killed the bee and threw him out the window. I almost half-expected a swarm to come right at me the moment I did that but thank God, there wasn't a nest nearby.

What am I, a insect/creepy crawlie bounty hunter?! Man, my sis is afraid of ants for God's sakes, ANTS! Now, my Dad and Grandpa share my feelings bout our unwanted guests and we EXPRESS our feelings in the most colorful ways possible.

Dad hates lizards, so do I. Hate em', hate em', hate em'.

Now, my grandpa? He's badass, seriously, which senior citizen picks up a cockroach, throws it to the ground hard and stomps the shit outta it? That's HARDCORE.

But the thing is, they aren't around most of the time, which leaves ME to take care of those crawlies in the daylight.

Seriously man, next time there's a bug and I catch it, someone in the household better pay me. My bounty-hunting for crawlies don't come for free, Jesus...

-Luis-

I REALLY don't wanna look at the time now.

You wanna know why?

Oh, it's not that I'm afraid that it's late or anything.

Oh no, no...

*Looks at date*

UGH!!! Two more days till school reopens*@#@#$^&*!!!

But I gotta say, it's been a pretty satisfying 5 or 4 weeks though. I went out, partied hard and really enjoyed myself. Goddamn, must the holidays end so soon? Time really few by, I ain't kidding now.

Pretty soon, we'll all be back to our monotonous lives, waking up, going to school/work, coming home and repeating the same process the next day.

It's all fated, sir. We're bound to be zombies till the day we die.

Ya know, I'm really starting to get creeped out by what I just said. Espacially since it's f****** TRUE, time to lighten things up.

*Throws empty can of Coke at passerby at the street below*

Ah shit, it's a cop...

But really, when was the last time YOU woke up, got dressed for school, glanced outside the window just in time to see a beautiful sunrise before thinking.

'Why am i doing this? It's a beautiful start to the day and I've gotta spend half of it in school? Screw THAT! I could stay at home, read a book, go skateboarding or calling up the guys after THEY'VE finished school. Not going to school one day isn't gonna end the world.'

When was the LAST time you thought like that? Eh? Huh? HUH???!

Speaking of which, I wonder how Siglap has been doing. I haven't been in since Mrs. Lye's leaving party about... I don't know, several weeks ago? I heard their having their orals right about now.

...

Time DOES fly...

*Sigh*

Anyway, I'm done for the night, everyone. But keep an eye out, I'll update sooner then you think though. Cheers, fellow Mercenaries!

-Luis-